Parenting Through Treatment: Finding Energy When You’re Exhausted

Parenting is already a tough gig. Add cancer treatment on top, and it can feel near impossible. The energy it takes to parent through chemo, surgery, or radiation isn’t just physical, it’s emotional, mental, and often soul-deep.

For a lot of young bowel cancer patients, hearing about parents trying to juggle treatment and raising kids hits a different nerve. It’s one of the reasons projects like my children’s book exist: because kids need support too, and parents need tools that make it even a little bit easier.

But finding energy when you’re absolutely wrecked? That’s a whole different mountain. Let’s talk about it.

It’s Okay to Lower the Bar

One of the hardest things for parents to accept during treatment is that the “parenting bar” might have to shift, and that’s okay.

If you’re used to being the hands-on, always-there, craft-projects-on-a-Sunday parent, it can feel heartbreaking to realise that getting through the day is the new goal. But survival is enough. Love is enough.

Some days, the best you can do might be cuddling on the couch and watching TV together. And that’s still parenting.

Small Wins Matter

When you’re flat out exhausted, tiny wins start to mean everything. Things like:

• Getting out of bed to pack a lunchbox
• Reading a bedtime story (even if you fall asleep halfway)
• Showing up to a school event, even if you have to leave early
• Managing to cook a simple meal

Every small win deserves to be recognised. They are still acts of love and presence, even if they don’t look like your old normal.

Age Makes a Difference

Depending on your kids’ ages, the challenges of parenting through treatment can look really different.

Young Kids (Toddlers to Early Primary)

• They may not fully understand what’s happening
• They rely heavily on physical care and emotional reassurance
• They might act out or become clingier due to confusion or fear

Tip: Keep explanations simple. There are great resources out there, including picture books, to help start conversations about cancer.

Older Kids and Teens

• They might understand more than they let on
• They may struggle with fear, anger, or feeling responsible
• They could take on more household responsibilities, sometimes resentfully

Tip: Involve them where appropriate but remember they’re still kids. It’s not their job to carry your illness.

Practical Energy-Saving Strategies

When you’re parenting while going through treatment, efficiency matters. Here are some ideas that might help:

• Meal prep in bulk: Freeze portions for quick meals
• Online grocery shopping: Save time and energy
• Set up a loose routine: Predictability helps both you and your kids feel more stable
• Accept (or ask for) help: Whether it’s a school pickup, babysitting, or meal delivery
• Use screen time guilt-free: Sometimes an afternoon of movies is exactly what’s needed
• Prioritise your health appointments: If you can, schedule them around kids’ activities

None of these make you a “bad” parent. They make you a survivor who is still showing up.

Let People Help

Most people genuinely want to help but don’t know how. Don’t be afraid to:

• Set up a meal train
• Say yes when someone offers school drop-offs or playdates
• Give specific tasks (“Can you grab groceries?” instead of just “Let me know if you need anything”)

You’re not imposing. You’re giving people a way to show love, and you’re buying yourself a little more precious energy for your kids.

Managing Guilt and Grief

Parenting through treatment often comes with a truckload of guilt. Guilt about not being able to do more. Guilt about missed moments. Guilt about needing others to step in.

It can also come with grief: grief for the kind of parent you wanted to be, or the milestones you might not get to see.

These feelings are valid. You’re allowed to mourn what’s been taken from you without letting it define you. Holding both love and grief at the same time is one of the hardest and bravest things you’ll ever do.

How to Talk to Your Kids When You’re Struggling

It’s tempting to try and shield kids from everything, but honesty (in an age-appropriate way) often works better.

You could say things like:

• “Mummy or Daddy is feeling very tired today because of the medicine.”
• “I might not be able to come to the game, but I’ll be cheering for you from home.”
• “It’s okay to feel upset or worried. We can talk about it anytime.”

Kids pick up on more than you think. Honest, simple communication helps them feel safer.

Single Parents: A Special Kind of Warrior

Single parents going through treatment deserve a special kind of acknowledgment. Without a partner to tag in when you’re crashing, the load is even heavier.

If you’re a single parent, it’s even more critical to:

• Build your support network (family, friends, school community)
• Access any professional supports available (counselling, support groups)
• Be absolutely ruthless about protecting your energy where possible

You are doing the job of two people, plus fighting for your life. That deserves massive respect.

Where to Find Support in Australia

• Bowel Cancer Australia – Patient and carer support: bowelcanceraustralia.org
• Cancer Council Australia – Practical and emotional support: cancer.org.au
• Camp Quality – For families with young kids affected by cancer: campquality.org.au
• Redkite – Support for families facing childhood cancer, including counselling and financial aid: redkite.org.au

Final Thought

Parenting through cancer treatment isn’t about doing it perfectly. It’s about doing it with love, in whatever way you can.

Some days will feel like a win. Others will feel like pure survival. Both are valid.

Your kids don’t need a perfect parent. They need you, tired, hurting, fighting, but still theirs.

And that is more than enough.