I Love My Friends But Sometimes They Just Don’t Get It

Cancer changes a lot of things. Your body. Your plans. Your energy. But one thing I didn’t fully expect? How much it changes your friendships.

Cancer Changes Everything, Including Your Friendships

It’s not always in a bad way. It’s just… different. When you get diagnosed, it’s like you suddenly live on a whole other planet. And your friends? They’re still back on Earth.

It’s not their fault. Their world keeps turning the same way it always has. Meanwhile, yours just flipped upside down, caught fire, and exploded, all before breakfast.

Sometimes the gap between those worlds feels truly huge.

The Two Kinds of Friends Cancer Brings Out

The Ones Who Show Up (Even If They’re Awkward As Hell)

These are the friends who text just to say they’re thinking of you. The ones who still invite you to stuff even if they know you’ll probably bail last minute. The ones who turn up, sit with you, laugh with you, and yeah, sometimes say the absolute dumbest shit imaginable because they’re nervous and don’t know what else to say.

I love these people. Because showing up matters more than getting it perfect.

The Ones Who Disappear

And then there’s the other crew. The ones who quietly fade out. Maybe they don’t know what to say. Maybe seeing you sick scares the shit out of them. Maybe they’re busy or awkward or convinced you want space.

I don’t blame them. I really don’t, as much as I try to convince myself otherwise, I honestly can’t say I wouldn’t have acted the same if the roles were reversed. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt a little sometimes.

What I’ve Learned About Friendship From Cancer

Here’s the thing. I’ve always liked my friends. Thought they were cool people. But since being diagnosed, I’ve realised a lot of them are genuinely great human beings.

Cancer filters people fast. Some step up in ways you’d never expect. Others step back because they don’t know how to handle it. Both responses are human. Both are real.

And honestly? Both are okay.

How To Handle Friends Who Just Don’t Get It

• Let them in – if you want to. Most people aren’t mind readers. If you want them around, tell them.
• Be honest about what helps. “I don’t need advice. I just need company.” is a complete sentence.
• Accept that some people won’t get it. And that’s not a personal failure, on them or on you.
• Don’t force it. Friendship should never feel like charity work, from either side.

It’s okay to outgrow people. It’s okay to need different things now. And it’s okay to protect your energy.

If You’re A Friend Reading This

First, you’re awesome for even being here. But if you’re wondering how to show up for a friend with cancer, here’s what I reckon helps most:

• Be there. Seriously, that’s half the battle.
• Don’t ghost us. Even a “Hey, I’m shit at knowing what to say but I’m thinking of you” message goes a long way.
• Keep inviting us. Even if we say no 90% of the time.
• Ask real questions. And be ready to actually listen.
• Understand we might be flaky as hell. It’s not personal. It’s just cancer brain / fatigue / nausea / all of the above.

No one expects you to fix this. Just don’t vanish.

Final Thought

I still love my mates. Even the awkward ones. Even the distant ones. Cancer doesn’t just change me, it changes my friendships too. Some have gotten stronger. Some have drifted away. And honestly? That’s life.

If you’re lucky, cancer doesn’t just show you who your real friends are, it shows you how bloody good some of them really are.