Resources for Grief and Loss

Grief is one of the most personal, profound experiences anyone can go through. For those affected by bowel cancer, patients, carers, family, and friends, grief may appear at any point in the cancer journey. It might come after a diagnosis, during treatment, when facing the uncertainty of recurrence, or after the death of a loved one. It can even arise in the loss of one’s health, fertility, career, or identity.

This blog explores the many forms grief can take, offers tools to help you navigate it, and shares resources available to Australians, with a focus on those impacted by early-onset bowel cancer. Whether you’re grieving a loved one, supporting someone who is, or managing anticipatory grief, you’re not aloneand support is available.

Understanding Grief in the Context of Bowel Cancer

Grief isn’t only reserved for the time after death. It can begin much earlier and take many forms.

Types of Grief You Might Experience

• Anticipatory grief: This is grief that begins before a loss occurs, common when a loved one is receiving palliative care or when facing a life-limiting diagnosis.
• Disenfranchised grief: When others don’t recognise or validate your grief (such as grieving the loss of fertility or your pre-cancer life), this form of grief can feel isolating.
• Cumulative grief: For those who’ve experienced multiple losses, physical function, a job, relationships, it can become overwhelming.
• Delayed or suppressed grief: This often occurs in carers or parents of young children with cancer who feel they need to stay strong. The grief may emerge months or even years later.
• Prolonged grief: For some, the intensity of grief remains for a long time and interferes with daily life. This might be a sign of Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), which can be treated with specialist support.

Grief looks different for everyone. It may include sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, anxiety, or even relief. These are all valid responses to an incredibly difficult experience.

Supporting Yourself Through Grief

Strategies That May Help

• Acknowledge your grief: Try not to minimise or rush through your emotions. Whatever you feel is real and valid.
• Talk about it: Speaking with someone who understands grief, whether a professional, friend, or peer, can lighten the load.
• Take care of your body: Grief can take a physical toll. Try to eat, sleep, hydrate, and move when you can.
• Set boundaries: Protect your time and energy. It’s okay to say no, take space, or avoid certain conversations.
• Honour the person or loss: Create a ritual, memory box, or photo album. Celebrating a life or acknowledging your grief can be healing.
• Allow joy and laughter: Feeling happiness during grief doesn’t mean you’re forgetting or moving on, it just means you’re human.

Resources for Grief and Loss in Australia

There are several excellent grief support services available across Australia, many of which cater to the unique needs of cancer patients and their families.

Key Grief Support Services

• Bowel Cancer Australia
  Bowel Cancer Australia offers emotional and psychological support to anyone affected by bowel cancer. Their Bowel Care Nurse and nutritionist teams can also support families navigating loss and bereavement.
  www.bowelcanceraustralia.org
• Cancer Council
  Cancer Council provides free support services, including counselling and grief resources for patients and carers. They also have practical resources on preparing for end of life.
  Call 13 11 20 or visit: www.cancer.org.au
• Lifeline
  Lifeline offers 24/7 crisis support for anyone experiencing emotional distress, grief, or suicidal thoughts.
  Call 13 11 14 or visit: www.lifeline.org.au
• Griefline
  Griefline provides telephone support, online forums, and grief education. They are especially helpful for those experiencing prolonged or disenfranchised grief.
  Call 1300 845 745 or visit: www.griefline.org.au
• Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement
  This centre offers professional counselling and group support for those living in Victoria, with access to telehealth nationally.
  www.grief.org.au
• Palliative Care Australia
  Provides information about preparing for death and the grief that can follow, including family and cultural considerations.
  www.palliativecare.org.au
• Feel the Magic (for young people)
  This charity provides grief education and camps for children and teenagers who have lost a parent, sibling, or carer.
  www.feelthemagic.org.au

Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving

If someone close to you is grieving, it can be hard to know what to say or do. The best support often comes from presence, not perfection.

Ways to Be There for Someone Grieving

• Listen without trying to fix: Let them express whatever they need without offering solutions.
• Avoid clichés: Phrases like “they’re in a better place” or “everything happens for a reason” can feel dismissive.
• Check in regularly: Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. Continue to offer support in the weeks and months that follow.
• Offer practical help: Provide meals, help with errands, or take over some childcare if needed.
• Respect their process: Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own timeline.

Grieving a Loved One Lost to Bowel Cancer

When someone dies from bowel cancer, particularly early-onset bowel cancer, the grief can feel especially cruel and unjust. It’s common to feel anger, helplessness, or deep sorrow. Support groups, counselling, and remembrance activities can provide space to honour your loved one while learning to live with the loss.

Helpful Tips for This Kind of Grief

• Create a tribute: Plant a tree, write a letter, or fundraise in their memory.
• Attend a bereavement group: Sharing stories with others who’ve experienced similar losses can be comforting.
• Seek trauma-informed support: If the death was sudden, painful, or traumatic, consider a counsellor trained in trauma and grief.

Grieving When You’re Living with Cancer

For those living with bowel cancer, especially when facing uncertain outcomes, grief can be ongoing. It may appear when treatment plans change, when chemo is paused, or when your future feels less certain. This is still valid grief.

What Might Help

• Name your losses: Acknowledge the things you’re grieving, your health, your plans, your old life.
• Engage in legacy work: Writing letters, recording videos, or creating memory books can help create meaning.
• Talk with a psychologist: Many oncology teams can refer you to a psychologist who understands cancer-specific grief.
• Consider palliative care: Even while continuing treatment, palliative care can help you emotionally process your experience.

Cultural Considerations in Grief

Grief can be shaped by culture, religion, and spirituality. For First Nations Australians, grief and Sorry Business carry specific significance. It’s important that health professionals and support services provide culturally safe care.

Resources for Culturally Safe Grief Support

• Aboriginal Health and Medical Research Council (AH&MRC)
  www.ahmrc.org.au
• Healing Foundation
  Offers grief support for Stolen Generations members and their families.
  www.healingfoundation.org.au
• National Indigenous Postvention Service
  Supports Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people after suicide loss.
  www.thirrili.com.au

When Grief Feels Too Heavy

It’s okay to seek help if grief becomes overwhelming. Signs that you might benefit from professional support include:

• Feeling unable to function in daily life
• Intense anger or guilt that doesn’t ease
• Avoiding reminders of the person or loss entirely
• Suicidal thoughts or a desire to join the deceased
• No relief from pain months or years later

You deserve support, not just in the weeks after a loss, but for as long as you need it.

Final Thoughts

Grief is a natural, though often painful, part of the bowel cancer experience. It can come in waves or arrive unexpectedly, but there are ways to survive and even grow through it. Whether you’re grieving a loved one, your former self, or simply need someone to talk to, you don’t have to go through it alone.

Explore resources like Bowel Cancer Australia, speak with your GP, and remember that your grief deserves care, compassion, and space.