Handling Unwanted Advice: Thanks, But No Thanks

A cancer diagnosis has a way of opening the floodgates, not just for emotions, appointments, and treatments, but also for advice. Lots and lots of advice. Some is helpful, some is kind but misguided, and some… well, let’s just say not all advice is welcome or appropriate.

If you’ve been diagnosed with early-onset bowel cancer, chances are you’ve already heard your fair share of “Have you tried…” or “My cousin’s neighbour swears by…” suggestions.

Most people genuinely mean well. But being bombarded with opinions, cures, and horror stories when you’re already navigating a complex medical journey can be exhausting and sometimes even hurtful.

This blog is all about handling unwanted advice while maintaining your boundaries, dignity, and peace of mind.

Why Do People Give Unwanted Advice?

Understanding why advice flows so freely can help take some of the sting out of it. Most people offer advice because:

• They want to feel useful or helpful
• They feel awkward and don’t know what else to say
• They believe they know something that might help
• They fear the situation and want to control it somehow
• They project their own experiences or anxieties onto you

It’s rarely about you doing something wrong. It’s usually about them trying (in their own way) to show care or cope with their own feelings.

Common Types of Unwanted Advice Bowel Cancer Patients Hear

Here’s a hit list of advice greatest hits and not in a good way:

• Unproven remedies: juicing, fasting, essential oils, miracle teas, magical mushrooms
• Extreme diets: cutting sugar, meat, dairy, gluten, happiness…
• Tales of others: “My cousin beat cancer by meditating under the moonlight…”
• Non-expert medical advice: “You should ask for immunotherapy – I read it’s better than chemo!”
• Toxic positivity: “Just stay positive and you’ll be fine.”
• Subtle blame: “Maybe it’s from all those processed foods?”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And if you want a savage deep dive on the worst offenders, check out my companion blog: Stop Telling Me About Your Cousin’s Neighbour Who Beat Cancer With Essential Oils.

For actual evidence-based information, Bowel Cancer Australia is your go-to. Visit www.bowelcanceraustralia.org.

And just to be clear, this isn’t about judging what anyone chooses to eat, try, or believe in. Everyone’s journey is different. I’m not here to tell people which diet to follow, what supplements to take, or which approach is “right.” I’ve tried different things myself at different times. The issue isn’t personal choice, it’s unsolicited advice. It’s the way suggestions get pushed onto you when you didn’t ask, when you’re already overwhelmed, and when what you really need is support, not another “have you tried…”. Advice is only helpful when it’s invited.

The Impact of Unwanted Advice on Mental Health

Even well-meant advice can hit hard. Some of the emotional side effects include:

• Increased anxiety and self-doubt
• Questioning your medical team’s recommendations
• Guilt, shame, or feelings of failure
• Feeling unseen or unheard
• Emotional burnout
• Tension or resentment in relationships

Cancer is already emotionally heavy enough. You don’t need to carry other people’s theories and baggage too.

Setting boundaries isn’t rude. It’s self-preservation.

Practical Tips for Responding to Unwanted Advice

1. Have a Ready-to-Go Response

Keep a few low-energy, high-impact lines on standby:

• “Thanks for thinking of me, I’m following my medical team’s advice.”
• “That’s interesting, but I’m comfortable with my current treatment plan.”
• “I’m focusing on evidence-based care right now.”
• “That’s not something I’m looking into at the moment.”

2. Use Boundaries with Kindness

If someone keeps pushing:

• “I appreciate that you care, but talking about alternative treatments is overwhelming for me.”
• “This isn’t a topic I want to discuss. Let’s talk about something else.”

3. Protect Your Space Online

• Turn off comments on sensitive posts
• Use privacy settings to filter who sees what
• Delete or ignore advicey DMs and links, no explanation needed
• Remember: your feed, your rules

4. Let Trusted People Help Deflect

Ask a partner or close friend to act as your shield:

• “Thanks for your concern. They’re working closely with their doctors right now.”

Letting someone else do the explaining can be a huge relief.

What To Do When Advice Feels Judgmental or Hurtful

Some “advice” isn’t advice at all, it’s passive-aggressive judgement in a shiny wrapper. Things like:

• “Did you eat too much junk food?”
• “Maybe if you’d caught it earlier…”
• “If you’d exercised more…”

When that happens, try:

• Changing the subject
• Ending the conversation
• Walking away
• Saying: “That comment didn’t sit right with me” if you have the energy

You don’t owe anyone your medical history. You don’t have to educate them. You can just nope out.

When Advice Comes From Loved Ones

This is where it gets tricky. When the advice comes from someone you love and who clearly loves you, it can be hard to shut it down. Try:

• “I know you’re saying this because you care.”
• “Right now, what I really need is support, not suggestions.”
• “What helps me most is when you just listen.”

Sometimes people give advice because they feel helpless. Giving them a different way to show up for you can help everyone feel better.

When Advice Actually Is Helpful

Not all advice is crap. Some of it is genuinely helpful, especially when:

• You asked for it
• It comes from a trustworthy source
• It aligns with your needs, values, or medical guidance

Take what helps, ignore the rest. There’s no prize for pleasing everyone.

For reliable info in Australia, stick with:

• Bowel Cancer Australia
• Cancer Council Australia
• Your oncologist or treating team

Setting Boundaries Is Self-Care

Saying “no thanks” to unsolicited advice isn’t being rude. It’s being real. It helps you:

• Stay focused on your actual treatment plan
• Protect your emotional energy
• Avoid decision overwhelm
• Feel more in control of your own narrative
• Give priority to the people who actually know what they’re doing, your doctors

You’re not being difficult. You’re just not interested in running a public suggestion box while navigating cancer.

What Actually Helps Someone with Bowel Cancer

If you landed here because you want to help someone with cancer, that’s awesome. Here’s what tends to land well:

• Listening without advice or judgment
• Offering help with meals, errands, transport
• Sending low-pressure messages of love or support
• Respecting their treatment choices
• Being present, without needing to “fix” things
• Asking: “What would help most right now?”

Final Thoughts

Navigating a cancer diagnosis is hard enough without also navigating everyone else’s opinions. Most advice comes from a place of love but that doesn’t mean you have to listen, accept, or pretend it helps.

Set your boundaries. Honour your needs. And remember, you’re allowed to say it with love or with a raised eyebrow and a tired smile: Thanks, but no thanks.