Am I in Denial? Understanding Emotional Responses to Diagnosis

Getting told you have bowel cancer hits like a truck. No matter your age, background, or personality, nobody is really prepared to hear those words. And in the middle of that shock, there’s one reaction that gets thrown around a lot, often with judgement attached: denial. But here’s the thing nobody tells you. Denial isn’t bad. Denial isn’t weakness. Denial is a completely normal, human response to something too big to process all at once.

What Is Denial, Really?

Denial isn’t always about pretending nothing is wrong. Sometimes it looks like:

• Staying super busy to avoid thinking about cancer
• Delaying telling friends or family
• Not wanting to read about side effects or prognosis
• Convincing yourself treatment won’t be that bad
• Feeling emotionally numb or detached

It’s the brain’s way of buying time. Protecting you until you’re ready to deal with the full reality.

Why Denial Happens After a Cancer Diagnosis

Cancer is a threat to your health, your future, your plans, your identity. Denial steps in for a few reasons:

• It helps you feel in control (even if it’s only temporary)
• It slows down emotional overload
• It lets you function day-to-day while your brain catches up

Honestly? It’s survival mode. And that’s not something to feel guilty about.

Signs You Might Be in Denial

Denial looks different for everyone, but some common signs include:

• Downplaying symptoms or risks (“It’s probably nothing”)
• Refusing to talk about cancer at all
• Avoiding medical appointments or test results
• Feeling disconnected from what’s happening
• Getting frustrated when others try to talk reality

It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It just means your brain is still catching up.

When Denial is Actually Helpful

Yep, denial can be useful.

• It gives you breathing space in the early days
• It can help you stay calm enough to function
• It might give you moments of emotional rest between hard conversations

Not everything has to be faced head-on right away. That would wreck anyone.

But When Can Denial Be a Problem?

Denial becomes unhelpful when it starts stopping you from doing things like:

• Getting treatment or medical care
• Making important decisions
• Reaching out for support
• Being honest with yourself or your care team

If denial is helping you breathe, that’s okay. But if it’s blocking you from getting help, it might be worth gently unpacking with a counsellor or psychologist.

How to Move Through Denial (If You’re Ready)

No pressure but if you’re starting to feel stuck in it, here are a few gentle ways forward:

• Talk to someone who won’t judge – friend, partner, psychologist, support line
• Read patient stories when you feel ready – knowing you’re not alone can help
• Take small steps – like learning about one part of your treatment plan at a time
• Write down your thoughts – getting them out of your head can make them feel less scary

Bowel Cancer Australia has a free psychological support service that’s worth checking out.

What to Say If Someone Tells You “You’re in Denial”

Honestly? You don’t owe anyone an explanation. But if you want to shut that conversation down gently, here are a few options:

• “I’m dealing with things in my own time.”
• “Right now I need to focus on getting through each day.”
• “I’ll talk about it when I’m ready.”
• “Denial’s working for me this week, thanks.”

Your emotional process doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.

If You’re Supporting Someone in Denial

Watching someone you love sit in denial can feel frustrating or even scary. But try to remember:

• They’re not being difficult, they’re overwhelmed
• Pushing them to “accept it” faster might backfire
• The best thing you can do is stay calm, available, and non-judgemental

Sometimes just sitting beside them quietly does more than throwing facts or advice their way.

This Is Hard Because It’s Hard, Not Because You’re Doing It Wrong

Denial isn’t a failure. It isn’t weakness. It’s just one of the many ways we try to survive something we never asked for. Whether your denial lasted a day, a month, or still pops back in on the bad days, that’s okay. There’s no manual for how to emotionally handle cancer. You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel.

Final Thought

If you’re sitting there wondering, “Am I in denial?” maybe you are. Maybe you’re not. Either way, be kind to yourself. Getting told you have bowel cancer is a total mindfuck. However you’re coping right now? That’s coping. And that’s enough.

Some days I wonder if I’m still in denial, just in new ways. Like when I plan something six months ahead, knowing full well my next scan could change everything. But I’ve realised that’s not denial, that’s hope in disguise. And maybe that’s okay too.